I cannot help it, I want love so bad, I want that one special woman to ride the spiritual connection wave together. Meet up in the after-life where we can really be together, and reach the highest piques of love, uninterrupted by time and life.
That one special woman, to let her know she is the most special woman in the world to me, more important than, anyone, or anything, in the UNIVERSE. Die for her, KILL for her.
That she is the most beautiful woman I have ever met.
I've never had any connection, I'm so broken, and stayed true to waiting patiently, that also maybe love isn't in the cards, and I will never truly be loved by anybody.
They say that type of connection comes once in a lifetime, so why even try to connect with anybody else, just wait for that soul mate love, because when that soul mate comes into your life, your life will be rocked, that's for sure.
We're going into the new year, it is one day away from Christmas 2016, and 2017 is here, and my main prayer everyday, all day and night, when I am laying in bed trying to fall asleep, when i wake up in the morning, I PRAY FOR LOVE! I cannot deny it to GOD, or nor do I try to. I say, "GOD, I want love soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo bad. PLEASE!!!!!!!"
And I go into the new year, completely SURRENDERed, Letting-Go, of everyone and everything. Into the new year standing alone, so that I cannot be hurt. Letting-Go of the past, and expectations of life. Ready to Live - or - Ready to Die?
This is my life right now. I never had a girlfriend. I never tasted love. I'm so BROKEN
I don't know what I am trying to say But I said it before? Sometimes you have to ride out the wave and know that it is meant to be That's not it? But that's part of it It's in there somewhere Sometimes something that you thought was bad was just meant to be Getting closer, but that's not how it was said? There's'a silver lining in this playbook! Something clicked in my psych and I became DANGEROUS
Someone has my heart and soul, it is not the devil. The devil will never touch this soul, this is an angel. An angel has my heart and soul, and I sleep so sound at night, lumber turns into slumber, in telepathic trants, I pray to an angel, I FEEL YOU, always. Beauty. Abound. I never felt so happy. I long for bed time, when we can be together, when I feel you in my heart and soul, I Thank You! GOD I LOVE U .
Give me 40 Rests and I'll come back to life Give me 40 Rests and I'll come back down to Earth I Rested once It isn't ENOUGH Exhausted by life Pointless to go on No point to aim at but DEATH Because Life feels hopeless... ...my bedroom fills with my tainted soul, no means of escape. Planning my escape? Life is ugly and bleak, I now need a new set of eyes, or to do away with eyes completely. Drown me in a cold drippy cellar, goosebumps imploding, naked and stripped, and let me die curled in the corner, as I pray my last prayer, chained, but finally free, Good-bye!
I am grateful that there is not a hidden camera in my room, cause then that would be a whole nother comedy. The joke would be on me tho, but I would have no choice butt to laugh...
I am grateful that I don't have cerebral palsy and live in a wheel chair, I'm not kidding. A comedian that is an inspiration of mine, 'Zach Anner', I am reading his book, 'If At Birth You Don't Succeed', it is the third book I've ever read in my life, and loving every moment of it, but realize only a really pure angel could live the life that he has lived and sparkle the way that he does, but vice-versa, I would not wish my HORROR show of a life on him, cause only a very certain type of mad-man can endure the things I have?
TAINTED: :PAINTED with taint?
So I need to pipe down, shut up, ship out, and get on with it, while there is still some sensory of dignity left.
I have to go to REHAB! :D
And I haven't been to a rehab in 9 to 10 years. There is this one rehab I always wanted to go to, it's CRAZY to have that saying, "The one that got away.", about a darn rehab, "You know. That rehab. It's the one that got away :D" I"M GOING 2 REHAB!!!!!!!!! And I am actually really excited about this, because I plan on writing my first book while I am there, called, -BLURZ REHABILITATION: 28 Days of Change-.
I need to break away from these four walls of my bedroom. I realize I cannot get sober on my own grounds. I cannot overcome this cough suppressant addiction(dextromethorphan).
I almost wish I could go to rehab today, but I need to prepare.
