I can't ever let anybody get close to me ever again and I can't ever open up to anybody ever again I just have to learn how to keep my distance and never feel anything for any people ever again not because I don't care, I care too much about people and empathize on such a deep intensely painful level but because I shoot my self in the foot every time with human interaction, human relationship and connection I end up more wounded than the time before
and even though I am certain that I am letting go and moving on I still find my self holding on a little, to hope and I don't think it's if I have the courage to really let go but more that it will have to become completely shattered for me to let go but it is very close there is not much left
I'm trying to say goodbye to everything and clear my mind my heart can not take any more I feel close to a heart attack most nights now and life has beat me down so much my heart races at night because I am losing this race my heart is damaged beyond repair only an angel could heal this heart and the pressure is constant my life is probably over
and I am too broken for this world I shouldn't be alive I am on borrowed time so I can' not have things normal humans can have; Love, Friendship... , and I feel too ugly to be looked at.
oh, this isn't deep enough for you well, sorry you try swimming in just how deep my sorrows dwell you wouldn't last a day there you would drown there you can't drown your sorrows you only end up breathing more life into them so let your sorrows breathe that is the only way to suffocate them I never imagined feeling this alone.
Start with dealing with the Pain, Deal with the Pain first. It is going to Hurt for a really long Time, but in this instance, Pain is a Blessing? Other Peoples Suffering is a Curse, I Hate seeing the Innocent, Suffer. it takes POWER to snuff out peoples PAIN. How much Discipline & Obedience does it take to become the person you are Destined to Become? The person that is AWAKENING inside of you? face the PAIN first, and then clean up what is left? You have to be, Quiet, and Still, to handle the PAIN. PAIN will get you! PAIN gets EVERYONE, but it is when YOU finally get PAIN that you can finally break free. But you will have to let it imprison you first? Do not stop until the pain CONSUMES YOU. Until the pain no longer feels PAINFUL. And if it has to tear you apart, let it, You have arrived!!!
Racking my brain around how to SUCCEED and no longer be a FAILURE is nerve wracking What do I have to do, chop my dick off on camera to go viral OBSESSION isn't the word i DEMAND success :(
All I need to do is keep VENTING, and someone from a magazine or news article, or some publicist is going to discover me, you'll see!
YEAH RIGHT! That's why I guess I'm blessed(and cursed), I didn't just sit around all these years thinking someone was going to "discover" me, I put in WORK. And WRACKED my brain around in knots, head and tail spinning in the AGONY
here's to CHAOS here's to DESTRUCTION (i mean, just in this blog, with the giphy photos, not in real life, here i just want to see stuff BREAK, because of failure and being trapped i always feel i am breaking) Let's see some DESTRUCTION and FAILURE to ease our woes, together.
I've paid my dues, and if pain points mean anything, then I'll be the first TRILLIONAIRE
I sit here, unable to provide for my mom, or my own needs, feeling the mad determination boiling in my veins, me and my mom are financially crawling to a new month, three and a half days to go to foodstamps, we're hungry, and shattered, and alone, my so called "brother", don't care, he won't help, "family is not family if they let you drown", and the worst part, is that the saying isn't, "watch you drown", they care so little they don't even notice that you are drowning, =OUCH
So if FAILURE is in your LIFE. You are not ALONE. We are amongst 100's of millions of fellow human beings, feeling the FAILURE right at this very moment, that I am typing, and you are reading this. (the animals are failing too) (the insects are failing) (the plant life is failing) (even the microscopic) (and the cosmic)
Take it from me, it will probably take 100's, maybe even(in my case going on)1,000's of baby steps, being bold, and taking risks, to SUCCEED. But some people are just LUCKY? (until luck runs out?)
Let's get this PARTY started, if you are like us, the ones whom FAIL all the time, and like a BAD-ASS REBEL, we refuse to give up. We refuse to give in. We will continue to keep FAILING, till we either SUCCEED or DIE. So here is a little photo montage in HONOR of US.
I AM GOING TO FOCUS 100% ON SUCCESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (i feel better=thanxxx) It is time to become a MILLIONAIRE!!!!!!!!!
