THE LAST GOODBYE

I can't ever let anybody get close to me ever again
and I can't ever open up to anybody ever again
I just have to learn how to keep my distance
and never feel anything for any people ever again
not because I don't care, I care too much about people
and empathize on such a deep intensely painful level
but because I shoot my self in the foot every time
with human interaction, human relationship and connection
I end up more wounded than the time before

and even though I am certain that I am letting go and moving on
I still find my self holding on a little, to hope
and I don't think it's if I have the courage to really let go
but more that it will have to become completely shattered for me to
let go
but it is very close
there is not much left

I'm trying to say goodbye
to everything
and clear my mind
my heart can not take any more
I feel close to a heart attack most nights now
and life has beat me down so much
my heart races at night
because I am losing this race
my heart is damaged beyond repair
only an angel could heal this heart
and the pressure is constant
my life is probably over

and I am too broken for this world
I shouldn't be alive
I am on borrowed time
so I can' not have things normal humans can have;
Love, Friendship...
, and I feel too ugly to be looked at.

oh, this isn't deep enough for you
well, sorry
you try swimming in just how deep my sorrows dwell
you wouldn't last a day there
you would drown there
you can't drown your sorrows
you only end up breathing more life into them
so let your sorrows breathe
that is the only way to suffocate them
I never imagined feeling this alone.