i've LET-GO of everything :FREE YOUR SELF

I take New Year/New Me to a whole new level and almost, DIE?

As I sit hear in my bedroom, I here someone that is reading this, I here their thoughts saying that I am confusing the spelling of certain words, but hear and now, I just don't care; I"VE BROKEN *FREE?

Let's just cut to the chase,
instead of most people,
they drag you on before getting to the point.

The point is I got sick 8 days ago,
I steps into the medicaid cab at 8:45 am in the morning(duh), but as soon as I stepped in, sat in, my intuitive mind said, "They're going to get you sick", and 'Lo and Behold", I caught a germ that had KICKED my a$$, because it is a well known ability of psychics to sense sickness in people, and later that night, my throat was on-fire.

But, 
I swear to *GOD*,
I will never step foot in another medicaid cab.

They pack you in there like a can of sardines, and they won't let you open the window anymore than a crack, they say things, such as, "Close the window, or you'll get sick" - NO, YOUR DARN GERMS WILL GET PEOPLE SICK, I am the "science guy" okay, you think fresh air is going to get you sick, cold temperature slow down the systems of the body that if you were EXPOSED to something, but people all around the world do cold therapies to boost their health and immunities, dipping themselves in cold lakes, martial artists dipping themselves in ice baths, etc. 

GERMOPHOBE PROBLEMS: When you catch a cold, and FREAK out, and someone says, "Well, would you rather live in a bubble?" and you say "YES! YES! I WOULD RATHER LIVE IN A BUBBLE!" a nice peaceful bubble, with internet so I can listen to endless music.

And I do not like to cough, because the whole, "Constantine Thing?"

I call a cough, The Death Cough,
because cough is so similar to sneezing,
your body is saying,
"Oh, HELL no!",
to something harmful.

And now I might almost be better, and now my *Angel Mom* is sick=I hate this world

The reason I say I've LET-GO, 
is because I cannot be broken down any further,
if you knew the hell I been thru,
this world has RAPED me, STRIPPED me, of my Life.

I cannot feel Alive anymore.
Not down here, anyway. 

So I LET-GO

Accepting the end

There doesn't seem to be any hope. And hope has left me more desperate than ever for any signs that life can get better. Hope has scarred me eternally with disappointment every time I grab back onto hope I am left so empty with the loneliness of just how truly alone I really am. I'm too broken I shatter with every touch of human contact. Holding up a ceiling of rocks. My life is impossible. And now I hide in the shadows because shadows reign comfort. My soul is yearning for escape. My soul is crying out for a savior, but no one comes? I never felt this amount of pain before, I can not bear to bare it. There is no choice, we endure because there is no other option. And people say, "You are strong" no "I am weak". 

Drowning in the end, in suspense of crawling away from deaths door but you feel deaths door gaining on you, you don't want to look back, so frightened of the moment when deaths door is at your feet. With no compromise, no bargaining chip, your time is up, where did you go wrong, when did you become so undeserving of life, and love. 

Now, loneliness becomes your only pain relief.

Just forget I ever existed. 

BLUR FEELINGS DIARY: Don't let people not appreciate you.(bizarre emotional abuse)Letting-Go of Everything.

I just want to curl up in a ball and be with GOD

I don't want to think about these people ever again.
They don't deserve my love or attention or thought.

A person that touched my heart and soul so deep since the first day I met her, has been on my mind 24/7 for an entire year, and now it's all just demolished, she obviously never cared about me at all, I just can't hold on any more.
I CAN'T HOLD ON ANY LONGER
and i don't want to anymore she don't deserve my eternal devotion i'll wait and pray till a true lover comes

One I've been in love with for a long time now,
and the other I've been trying to make a friend with, but she just doesn't show any sign of wanting to be my friend. ..i don't want to feel these feelings ever again..

These things make me feel so horrible about my self.
any time i try to connect

I feel so foolish.

I try to show someone how much they mean to you for an entire year, 
and they show absolutely no sign that they care about I at all.

I just want anyone who treats me this way to be kicked out of my mind for good.

I don't want to be treated this way.

I ONLY WANT GOD AT THIS POINT!

GOD SHOWS ME LOVE!

My Mom Loves Me!

I will not put up with this every again,
I will never try to open up to anyone,
unless I first know that a person really cares.

It hurts really bad.

I'm yearning for SUNSHINEY days