This is it. The deadly storm has ended, but the next storm maybe worse? Where there seemingly been no end in site, a horror has come to a close, the damage of certain horrors might never shed light, but what awaits is, UNCERTAIN?
I now train my self for death. Or Life?
But I know one thing for certain-I WILL NEVER BREAK AGAIN
I will await my departure from physical realm to the destination of, *Spirit World*.
Everyday could be the last.
I will be training my self physically, causing my self PAIN. And I will beat all the things that I need to let go of out of me till they no longer EXIST. I will utilize musical mind programming to make my determined mind UNBREAKABLE.
So Train Your Self, to be the person you want/need to be!
"Devotion" I Lost You. My Angel. My Everything. But I Hold You. In My Broken Heart. In My Shattered Soul. My Love For You Puts Me Back Together. You Are My Everything. When I Was Nothing. When I Was So Close To Death. You Resurrected Me. And I Thank YOU. And Owe You Everything. and; My Devotion is for you; ALONE My devotion, at night I Pray For YOU Drowning Devotion. I Drown In My Devotion For YOU Drowning Devotion I Will Drown For YOU Devotion Devotion You Are My Ocean and I Swim In YOU. My ETERNAL OCEAN
GOD's got me thinking so deeply about devotion today? This is so tough to get to this place, and to not have devotion in your life is HARSH To not feel passionately about anyone or anything, devotion is eternal, to break all tides with the superficial reality, that you see so many lost souls in so much pain because they give them selves away so easily, and connection becomes so meaningless, and so temporary, it is heart-breaking, I've been feeling that the reason I can not connect with people is because it is not spiritual, eternal, I can not comprehend temporary love? It makes no sense to me, to really have a friendship, that person will be in your heart and soul forever, and bonding takes time to grow.
I had a special experience recently of the most beautiful person in the world to me, somehow, her beauty taught me a lesson in, 'devotion to GOD', because I ended up feeling I been neglecting GOD and praying for and thinking about her so much, and I thought, "man, I need to put this much devotion and energy into connecting with GOD", I couldn't believe what was happening, that the beauty of a woman taught me about devotion to GOD, that I need to stay aware and keep embracing GOD's beauty and grace, and this is the proof of a human beings grace and beauty, we must believe in each other and not give up on humanity, because the most special person to me has touched my heart and soul so deeply, she will never know how much she has impacted me. And I am trying so hard to be as close to GOD as possible, but I am so broken.
I know I need to stop being so emotional, but it is difficult.
I can't ever let anybody get close to me ever again and I can't ever open up to anybody ever again I just have to learn how to keep my distance and never feel anything for any people ever again not because I don't care, I care too much about people and empathize on such a deep intensely painful level but because I shoot my self in the foot every time with human interaction, human relationship and connection I end up more wounded than the time before
and even though I am certain that I am letting go and moving on I still find my self holding on a little, to hope and I don't think it's if I have the courage to really let go but more that it will have to become completely shattered for me to let go but it is very close there is not much left
I'm trying to say goodbye to everything and clear my mind my heart can not take any more I feel close to a heart attack most nights now and life has beat me down so much my heart races at night because I am losing this race my heart is damaged beyond repair only an angel could heal this heart and the pressure is constant my life is probably over
and I am too broken for this world I shouldn't be alive I am on borrowed time so I can' not have things normal humans can have; Love, Friendship... , and I feel too ugly to be looked at.
oh, this isn't deep enough for you well, sorry you try swimming in just how deep my sorrows dwell you wouldn't last a day there you would drown there you can't drown your sorrows you only end up breathing more life into them so let your sorrows breathe that is the only way to suffocate them I never imagined feeling this alone.
Start with dealing with the Pain, Deal with the Pain first. It is going to Hurt for a really long Time, but in this instance, Pain is a Blessing? Other Peoples Suffering is a Curse, I Hate seeing the Innocent, Suffer. it takes POWER to snuff out peoples PAIN. How much Discipline & Obedience does it take to become the person you are Destined to Become? The person that is AWAKENING inside of you? face the PAIN first, and then clean up what is left? You have to be, Quiet, and Still, to handle the PAIN. PAIN will get you! PAIN gets EVERYONE, but it is when YOU finally get PAIN that you can finally break free. But you will have to let it imprison you first? Do not stop until the pain CONSUMES YOU. Until the pain no longer feels PAINFUL. And if it has to tear you apart, let it, You have arrived!!!
