"Needing Rest. Solitude. Needing Away From People. Isolation. Need Surrenderence, To GOD, Desire Too... Hurt. By This World, This Life. Stung. By. Time Away. Rest. Until I Wake. Eye's peeled. Skin shed. Soul different." Damaged Wounded Broken SHATTERED. but "Stand Up - and brush my soul off."
I had a psychic vision, of being dropped down to, once every two weeks, I realized, the harsh reality, that, that's my cue.
I loved for so long, the whole time, I feel so foolish, I never want to love, ever again. You can really be made out to feel that you have no worth.
It doesn't feel right, at all anymore, for me to stick around, it's that psychic feeling, that it is over.
If I stay alive, into the new year, it will be a completely, different life.
I always lose everybody, this has been happening, all my life, since a kid, it's just the way it is. How dare I even try to hold on.
But realizing this person never cared about me at all. What am I even doing here? It is all destroyed. There is no way to say good-bye, this sting is unbearable. It was all so obvious, but I was so delusional.
Just, nobody sees any potential in me. I can sense it and see it in their eyes, in their actions, in their body languages, in their energies, I can smell it on them, and it's worse than doubt, I'm not even worth doubting. I feel I am in enough pain to say, that it is time to move on.
This is good-bye, to everyone, and everything. I want to commit suicide, but I won't. There's no need for that. Time takes care of that. I lost the only person I really wanted in my life, now my heart has grown completely cold. Frozen. I can't feel nothing but hurt, and people have become a constant reminder of kryptonite. I can't breathe.
The only thing I can hope for is the relief of loneliness. My loneliness has become a comfort. I just want to dwell away in solitude and never to have my life touched by anyone ever again. I will cry out to GOD for either death or life, and I will face my sentence, and whatever the verdict is, I will accept it. Maybe I will come out of the clouds one day and into the sunlight with the sun of life on my skin once again to be redeemed?
I'm relieved that it is over. I had a dream about this end. That I finally accept walking away. And I can breathe again, knowing this was meant to be. And that I have done the right thing. It's the perfect ending. The SAD CLOWN The ending of the chapter. The last page is golden.
