I shouldn't have fallen in love, how could I know?
Reality didn't set in for a year and a half, this past week it really sank in.
I'm destroyed.
Hopeless right now.
I don't want to be around anybody.
I brought an idea to a community and realized how many people really can't stand me.
I don't want to see anyone ever again.
Letting-go is TOUGH
I have a couple days to decide to just walk away from everybody.
Everything falls apart anyway.
I felt so much hatred from people the past couple weeks, the hate has poisoned me, but knowing that the person I fell in love with really couldn't care less, broke me.
I WANT TO LET GO
If I didn't live in this world I would love my self. This world has made me hate my self.
I write poems for you, I'd write songs for you, you had a man, worshipping the ground you walk on, desiring you with honor, declaring his undenying devotion for you, you became his religion. He would kill for you Die for you Just ask He'll Prove It.
It could've been our secret? -not even we would know, just a wink to know you accept my feelings-RELIEF If you had just given me a sign that it was ok for me to feel this way;
I just wanted you to take my bloody heart, "I DON'T WANT IT ANY MORE, it HURTS, please TAKE IT"
I'd be devoted to you in heart and soul forever;
The most special woman in the world to me besides my mom, and me, the most special man in the world to you.
Nobody would've known, not even you and I, if you had just given me a sign that you'd accept my undying love for you, I would live or die for you, I'd always be there if you needed me.
, but I feel you told me in your own way, that my feelings for you are not ok, so I will do what you want me to.
For you to use or abuse, I would love it.
because I would've done anything for you, but now you gave me the sign that my feelings are not ok, so I must go, because you showed me that I have to, so I will.
GOODBYE FOREVER MY SWEET LOVE!
I will never get to taste your love.
"and not tasting your love has poisoned me, because your love was my antidote."
i dont know what to say what i would give to be near you i thought you would at least let me love you i thought you would let me devote my self to you you became the most special woman in the world to me you and my mom and i don't want anyone else to be this special i dont want to lose you from my life i dont want anyone else to be this special its hard to imagine life without you but i now realize that is where this is going i know you dont feel for me and it hurts i guess this is goodbye ill just stay away from you as far away as i can and i will feel sadness and let the sadness drown me i have gotten used to sadness it aint so bad and i don't want to ever feel anymore i look forward to death living in a world where love cannot thrive i just want to be left alone sadness has become my medicine sadness has become my friend goodbye my love forever yours blur . . .
When I think of the pain of the past, I don't have to think, I'm drowning, dying in this pain at this very moment, the pain of my past represents; PEOPLE?
I thought today, that if I want to let-go of the past, I have to let-go of people, but to heal, I have to halt letting any new people into my life, the damage is done, the wounds are deep and will probably be the death of me, but if I can at least have the freedom to say, "ENOUGH IS ENOUGH" "EVERYBODY LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE, and, STAY AWAY FROM ME"
I always think about the dog that has been tortured and abused, and when that dog breaks away from that situation, even when people are being nice, the dog still flinches and cringes with its tail wagging, saying, "don't hurt me! please, don't hurt me!", and people really don't seem to understand or respect a person that doesn't want any personal involvement with any people on any level, in my shoes at this point I am really just waiting to die, and I don't really know how to deal with that, because no "savior" is coming to save me and my mom, we are ALONE
