FACE YOUR SELF: I Feel So Ugly I Can't Face People

I want to take the proper steps forward, but here is a little tiny slice of some of the things I have to get through?
"My emotional scars are so deep I feel them on the outside."

I got no motivation,
I got to force it,
to where I feel so mad bulging out the eyes,
it is no surprise that my silver-lining fine-line has died?

I feel so ugly I don't even want to be around people any more.

I feel that, no matter what I do, it's never enough, so why do anything then?

I can't face my self, but I am trying.

I need to legitimately clean my self up, but through the eyes of others, I see my ugly, but when I'm alone I feel beautiful, even if I'm ugly.

It's seems I've lost even more of my SPARK -, how that happens, "I don't know :( "

If you feel like me you understand;

INSECURE

LOW SELF-ESTEEM
(weak)
(unintelligent)
(and so much more i'm too tired to think)

Based on being not able to obtain what you need to survive;

FINANCIAL INDEPENDENCE?: Money
(you know it's sad but true)

, and, Now I have to make a decision; (1)to be a rebel and just disappear into my loneliness, or(2)keep trying to be around people?

I'm hidden away in a dark room. In a dark place. Lonely and Cold. Frozen in my emotions and shivering in my spine. I can't take this world any more.

This world seems UGLY?

What am I seeing? :(........

Am I just seeing an inverse refection of self, outwardly exuding onto this world I can't even see any beauty any more, I just feel HIDEOUS?

(I DON'T EVEN HAVE INTERNET FRIENDS!!! :( )
My life looks over, and I don't want to play this game any more.

So I will just give in, stay away from people, and be whatever I am. And if I do ever make it passed the first step in this cruel world, WATCH OUT WORLD, i will WREAK HAVOC, I SWEAR TO *GOD*.

I know that I am not ugly, but this world makes me feel so, as even family hurts me. People just hurt me.

And another thing that makes me feel so ugly, is that I can not stand the beauty of a woman. The beauty of a woman, GOD's most beautiful creation, as it seems I am not allowed to have love, so I live my life with a shattered heart, and a crushed soul by the waves of beauty bouncing off of my imperfections, always reminding my of what I lack, but even if I didn't lack, I would be most likely wanted for superficial reasons(money/fame), feeling so grotesque, I am a Frankenstein in my own right, and I accept that fate.

I try to express my pain today, it just feels worse.
I feel I need to vanish now, I can't take any more.
Life is so painful,
you need a miracle,
and no one cares.

But the truth is, 'We Are Not Ugly' - Anybody that feels ugly, like I do, we know that it is a reflection of the world, that whatever the reason, we do not fit in, and me, I'm just traumatized by this world to the maximum. It's so hard to heal when people keep hurting you. And you hurt your self.

"THE END"
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