A BLUR DIARY: I DON'T KNOW "WHAT'S" GOING ON?

OH MY GOD - I just got a serious craving for breast milk????????(4:28 PM 5/28/16)
After I saw this photo on facebook

Heyyyyy, I just made a full fledged commitment to document the rest of my life on Earth, no matter what, as raw and honest as humanly possible.
I am trying to make sense of all this human stuff?
I LOVE GOD, SOOOO MUCH!!!!
But I'm human,
and have never had love,
or a girlfriend,
and I'm a late bloomer,
and just becoming a man now,
and am praying so hard for soul mate love,
but when you find soul mate love,
you get married, have children,
maybe drink some of your lovers breast milk,
=WHY NOT????????????????????????????????????

You can be my mommy
You know who you are
Any time
There's no rush

So I guess,
I'm searching for my soul mate/mommy,
I guess I'm REAL sick,
but at least I have the BALLS,
to admit it.

Wow!
I can already see that this commitment is going to be a CHALLENGE,
cause I'm trying to understand life,
and go thru positive changes,
and all of a sudden,
I end up feeling more horny,
THAN EVER??????
This weather change,
cause this weather temperature, 
too hot,
has me,
IN HEAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm craving LOVE, 
cause I've never had it,
and I'm desiring SOUL MATE.
And when we find each other,
we will EMPOWER each other,
and it will be US vs the world,
and WE will CONQUER,
and build an EMPIRE TOGETHER!

I know who's milk I want?
But I'll probably never have her,
but maybe she will read this,
and start to lactate from imaging feeding me,
her delicious nectar?
She can squirt it into my mouth

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I need to take a cold shower.
But why us humans have to be ashamed about how we feel?
If we don't get to talk about them,
and express them without being crucified,
or exiled from our own species,
which most people have similar struggles with self,
but are too afraid to ever admit such things?

Ok,
cold shower and SLEEP...
...and a whole bunch of praying...
,,,and repenting for my thoughts.

I'm so sick of this
Cause maybe sharing this on the internet
Makes me feel guilt and shame of my self
But I really have been on a quest
To be completely liberated
And not care what anybody thinks of me
Because GOD loves me
So much
And that's what really matters
And I have struggled
Since a child
And will not bow down
And be afraid to speak my mind

I was getting really down about this post, but then I saw these two gifs, and remembered

I'm a comedian,
I'm allowed to feel this stuff,
read 'em and weep,
BAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH!
(yupp, Sigmund Freud was right - I'm a 100% momma's boy, which if you are a psychologist/therapist, would understand, this completely explains this - I get it - totally)