CHASING MANIA and DISTRACTIONZ! DISTRACTIONZ! DISTRACTIONZ!

It March 8th, 2016.
(I know it's it's, but that's just how I talk)

This a segment called, "CHASING MANIA",
because that is EXACTLY what I am doing.

And I came up with a totally new thought that I never thinked before?
It's about reaching a, 'Creative Pique'?
Because people say terms, like, "you're in your prime",
but what about a persons 'creative prime'?

Being immersed in creative juices would be unfathomable.
But my day was pretty good, today.

I forgot my sunglasses so my eyes were burning.
(I can't tolerate Sun light)
(on my skin, but sensitive eyes)

I signed up for -AccessVR-, a program that helps people find a job and go to college. So I'll have that video blog up as soon as possible.

(Random Thoughts): Is it possible to like feeling ugly? Cause I feel hideous. As I was watching this music video, I thought, "They are so lucky to be able to be on camera, and so close up" - "I feel so ugly". One day I will find true love and my soul mate will feel that I am beautiful. The most beautiful person, and her to I.

I saw that and thought that was funny?

Our first therapy session was about 'brain games'. And we did optical illusions, but my brain failed every optical illusion except for one, and someone nice in the group said that maybe my brain and creative mind was to advanced to be fooled by the illusion, so I said, "Ok. Thanx. I'll run with that"(even though it's not true.)

Then I felt depressed and angry seeing the artists that do the optical illusions on the ground, that I was down on my self that I am at a low level of creativity=BUT NOT FOR LONG

Then I had a sobriety group, and I had the thought, "If you could take a pill that you would stay sober forever, would you?", and of course my answer is a bold, """""YES""""".

I'm so hooked on caffeine(chasing mania), that after 12 tea bags before even making it to therapy(in my defense, sounds like a lot, but it's not), I ended up breaking and buying an energy drink, and the can wouldn't open, and someone said, "I think someone(GOD)is trying to tell you something", so I broke the can open.

And then this song entered my head randomly:

I almost had a heart attack during lunch,
this man had a dollar bill IN HIS MOUTH,
MY HEART STARTED POUNDING(germaphobia)

And don't ever drink from a coffee machine from a mental illness psychotherapy treatment program,
the metal uncleanable machines are hotbeds for microscopic bacteria living in the left over water molecules, don't do it. Your mental illness will get 10 times worse.

(Random Thought): Comedy Idea - "The Accidental Tourist", where the character who teleports to random locations in his sleep, ends up in various countries.

(during break was listening to music and came across this)
This is a song for my Aunt Eve that passed away from a horrible car accident on William Floyd Parkway because my moms mentally ill x-boyfriend left my disabled Aunt Eve in the middle of the highway.

Sorry

Part 2

DISTRACTIONZ! DISTRACTIONZ! DISTRACTIONZ!:
Women are my main distraction!
Women are the most beautiful creation of GOD,
and I've never gotten to have *LOVE*,
so I am in sadness all day long.
(makes me think of the comedy, "40 Year Old Virgin"? You have the pu$$y on a pedestal. But he was patient and found true love though) :(

There is somebody that I formed feelings for on accident,
but I know there's no way possible that she feels for me. :(.......
I try not to, but I find my self praying that she is my soul mate,
and BOYYYYYYY is she so special.
She is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.
Just captivated by her intensity.
Enchanted by her energy.
If she ever hugged me, I'd probably melt into her arms.
If she even put her hand on my shoulder I'd feel Heavenly.
Maybe she'd say, "You're such a beautiful person BLUR",
I'd cringe of delight.

I can't help but feel I am in a, -FIGHT FOR LOVE-, meaning; What would I do to win this woman's love? And that is really sad, because you can not, "win" somebodies love, but I want it so bad.

So now I am in a place where I feel I need to let go of the desire for *LOVE*?
*Soul Mate Love*?
The type of GOD LOVE where the two of you are going to meet up in the 'After-Life' together as 'Higher-Intelligent Spiritual-Being' with no physical limitations?
Just *PURE LOVE* :)

Aaaahhhh, this is useless.

So I need to be sad and except my fate,
whatever that may be?

I am so distracted :(

I want it so bad.

(I always knew I'd fight wars for LOVE, but I thought this was cool?)