(day 1)10 DAY PSYCHOLOGICAL EVALUATION FOR SCHOOLING: MENTAL ILLNESS RECOVERY

(1 AM)I am going to try to do some video documentation, and blog documentation, if I can keep up, I'm pretty much mentally and emotionally behind right now, where I am suppose to be to do any of this, but I just might make the grade(barely), or who knows, we'll see?

First off, I have a really hard time being or dressing like anyone else besides, ME!

That's a huge problem for me.

It's self degrading.

Self-Deprecating :D

I hate the word 'eccentric' but at this point, I would rather walk around in life as a powerful public figure, like someone like Andy Warhol or something, where I can be and look however I feel like being, and become so powerful that it's the rest of the world that has to be walking on thin ice around me, watch how they are around me, cause your job might be at stake, let's see how you like the tables turned, and I would just want everyone to be able to be themself, not have to change who they are on the likes of me.

So I have to go, and dress how they want me to dress, or I might go there for nothing, not get approved, and basically have my self-esteem and confidence trampled over, that's all.

Overwhelmed but so NUMB

(1:45 AM - Well, there you have it? A moth in my tea kettle(glass tea pot), dead(or alive?). I am BEYOND freaked out, broken, and traumatized right now. Because I am suppose to be 'on call' ready at all times to jump into complete focused action to save a life. But my numbskull brains first instinct was to dump the water out into the sink, and then try to save the moth, dry the moth, and nurse it back to health, but the moth fell down the drain pipe, then I'm sitting there with a flashlight and a long cooking toothpick trying to get em out, but the moth must've been dead? But an even bigger question lingers on my brain? "Was that moth in the tea kettle(glass tea pot)when I made my first cup of tea?" "DID I DRINK MOTH TEA WATER????????")(drowning is a horrible way to die. Poor fellah :( )

I'm pretty certain I always turn on the stove light every time I pour my tea water?

You notice I said, "pretty" certain?

Oh Brother!

Gee, I'd say first morning of this psych evaluation going "pretty" good so far, I'm sane as a cucumber. 

So I go out to the car at 7:30 AM in the morning, and the tire is flat(I don't think it was entirely flat, and car is small, so I drove it to the gas station to put air in the tire). And then, I had to drive 35 miles to the first day of orientation, and traffic like CRAZY, but how would I know that, I never worked before?

I stop at another gas station, to..., well..., get gas... And check the tire. But I pull into pump number 2, and this narcissist dude is scurrying around like a LUNATIC, and he is pulled into pump 1, but happened to tell the guy, 'pump 2'. So this "narcissist" guy is so inconsiderate, and unempathetic, like he is the only human being in the universe, and goes to pull my pump from pump 2, to his pump 1, couldn't even reach, so he had to pull his car up but really he could've just told the guy to void it out and price it on his pump instead of wasting another 10 minutes when I'm already running late.

And the traffic was so bad, this woman in a truck must have lost it, and rode on the sidelines going over bumps and puddles like she was in the Kentucky Derby or something(funny). But I mad it there by the, 'skin of my teeth'(whatever that means?).

Day 1 was very FUN! And the climax of the day was that we did this meditation at the end and the speaker/counselor took us on this meditative journey where we ascended(eyes closed)into new heights of the heavens, and I got crazy goosebumps, and we ended in this lake where the canoe ended up at a persons feet(for me, a special woman?). And from what the speaker said, this person said, "There is nothing to fear BLUR. I am your Guardian Angel." - So this first day was so much FUN. 

Try to have FUN in your existence!!!