LIFE IN LIMBO

I was driving home so depressed, and this song was on the radio.

And after completing the psych evaluation for schooling, I couldn't help feel such deep sadness, I'm never going to have my life back, my LIFE IS IN LIMBO
I felt like crying, and I have been, ever since my moms birthday, June 11th waking up to the news about *CHRISTINA GRIMMIE*, such an ANGEL getting killed by that evil devil. And then the next day 50 innocent beautiful people killed at Pulse Night Club in Orlando, same place. Odd? But not odd? It's evil

I couldn't help but feel on the ride home that this all has been a test. A lesson. I mean, being at therapy for 6 months, then trying to go to college, letting people dictate my life, because I'm a complete split mixture of a perfect Aries fusion of a scared little child and a fearless warrior, of what is read about a true Aries. The warrior has to be there or you're not living at all, you're getting walked all over, but this foolish feeling that I'm just suppose to get a job so I have some money to fuel this mission of having a voice in this world and speaking out about these evils. 

What am I waiting for someone to hold my hand to lead me to get a job?
Am I so lonely I'm paralyzed waiting for true soul mate to arrive?
I am really that shattered and torn?
So lost?
I can't find my way back

I hope to have a video up about this soon?
I'm going to try to do some life documentation. 

These next two songs played right after, too.

Driving so SAD

I don't want to give up, but I am so darn SAD
This isn't any type of chemical sadness that can be treated with a pill
I am literally infinitely SAD
The type of sadness that won't go away
Maybe I just need to find that special woman to just put her hand on my heart
I can absorb her energy
heal a little bit 
feel some ease
in my wildest dreams
BLUR

I know somewhere out there is my dandelion 

Maybe tomorrow will be better