Since the first moment I met this person, I fell for her, which is so mind-boggling?
And I have no idea if she is feeling the same?
And I keep thinking that I can fight this, and that I can let go, and maybe it would be doing the right thing to get over this, and I'm trying, and my heart is made of steel, but I care about this person SOOOO much, so I am at a loss of what to do, but just to stay focused on life purpose and keep on trucking forward to be the best spiritual being I can be. :3
And I can fight it, it is the right thing to do,
but every time I think I let go,
another wave of spiritual love rushes over me like a tsunami of *SOUL MATE LOVE?*
I don't know if I'm just a complete schizo/delusional,
or this one special woman is feeling the exact same spiritually psychic feeling that rushes over me; UNDENIABLY?
:(
The truth is, is that this love is MISSION IMPOSSIBLE,
and that, that is truly love when you don't want to do anything that would effect that persons life in any negative way, I know what I am, and what I've been thru, and where I stand, and in my eyes, this person is so perfect, so beautiful, delicate, and pure, I couldn't dare get any where close to this person, but MY GOD, this persons *SOUL ENERGY* I never felt anything like this potecy is so overwhelming and overbearing in the most miraculous way.
But I am STRONG
as STEEL
and I know I am on this suicide mission from GOD
and my life is so EXTREME
The truth is, I love having this person in my life, and feel so honored to be a tiny part of this persons life. And I am focused, so focused on my surrenderance and devotion to GOD. But my GOD, LOVE feels so good, and having that void filled that I have that one special woman in my life that is the most special woman on the planet to me, you know, in that way. And knowing that I've learned so much about love from the; loyal, honor, devotional love that I have for my angel mom the only person that ever loved me, I could never have a second mom, and I offer this worshipful devotion to one special woman, and I really hope one day I get to give this love to that one special person.
And the title to this blog, "now that things have wind down", having 18 days away from therapy program, away from what i've called the passed 6 months as, 'emotional bootcamp', to have 18 days to sort though my being and dig really deep into my soul to really face some really intense realizations and truths, and going to schooling working out my brain and taking a vacation from the difficulty emotional roller-coaster of constant human interaction, I had to really let go of so many things, and am so on-guarded now when it comes to human interaction, I really don't even want to be touched, if not just by that one special person, but the truth is, thought letting go I ended up feeling more connected now.
And after my moms birthday, and an evil devil ending the life of a perfect angel named, *CHRISTINA GRIMMIE*, I am going to KICK EVILS WORTHLESS PATHETIC WICKED ASS(one day)
The truth is, this just solidified/secured me going to hell to kick evils ass, kill them all, and slay them all from existence in my deep desire to become GODS #1 evil slayer/deity, whatever suffering I have to endure, for however long to work my way up the ranks of becoming the highest possible intelligent powerful spiritual being, a TRUE force to be reckoned with showing absolutely no mercy against evil.
So I go back to therapy soon, after one more week of schooling psychiatric evaluation, and I am very nervous, and very strong. I feel like I have completely changed, and feel, and look different. Life is weird, follow GOD, and *plug your self* in to GOD 24/7, and you will be understanding these words set right before you, "WELCOME TO THE RABBIT HOLE"(The Unknown)
PRAISE GOD, YOU EVIL SCUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[And I will keep on trying to let go]
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