Confidence Rising: Dignity Stolen?

Confidence Rising: My dreams. My dreamland. Dream-Chasing! Dreaming BIG! Going after it, and, staying away from people, finally. I am, 'hook, line, and sinkered'. Locked-and-Loaded! If being outgoing, and being outspoken, around people, causes so much conflict and friction, then to hell with it, I don't want to be around people then. I will never TRUST, again! I am closing in on success. To go viral, become rich and famous, travel the world living the life most people can't even fathom, or imagine living, and this love, has to end now if you don't want anything to do with me, cause I can not hold on any longer to someone who is not even reaching for me :( I'll stand ALONE, now

TO HELL WITH IT - LET IT RIP
I WILL MANIFEST THIS
EVEN IF I END UP ALONE IN A CASTLE, WITHOUT A QUEEN. I AM GOING TO HAVE A CASTLE!

Confidence Rising(Round Two): And after I go viral, and I get 40,000$'s in my hands, I will use 20,000 to start my travel documentary of REDEMPTION, where I see all of, Long Island, and New York(cause I'm a tourist in my own backyard), and the tourism/travel market is POTENT. Videos like that(comedy videos), can be seen globally by people from other countries that want to visit New York :D Then with the other 20,000, I will rent out an office, with two rooms and a garage, as a shirt business, and use the garage as a film/music studio, and get this, 'mental illness' funding site going, where people can donate to the people I know that have mental illness, and this website will be set up like facebook, where the people I know can have their own profile(a social site for us), and I will sit down with my friends, to help them come up with their own ideas for a shirt, and whatever their shirts sell, or get donated to them, they get all that money. And the way this works, is, after going viral, you have the web traffic, so this will all promote and market itself=BOOYAH=GENIUS=IN THE MAKING!!!!!!!!!(Step 1)soon I will have a million dollars!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dignity Stolen: People are my main source of pain. If you are like me in this way, maybe you 
understand a little bit? This is not by choice, at all. This is out of my control, that around ALL people, anybody, is agonizing for me. Maybe I'm just THAT broken? Wounded. Shattered. Fragile. Sensitive. But I don't know. I've met people so sensitive, I look tough as Rambo. Falling in LOVE. Desiring LOVE. And being so lonely all these years, has definitely robbed me of my dignity. Any woman that I ever have any interest, or connection to in that way, wants absolutely nothing to do with me, and this makes me feel so pathetic, because I should have never been even desiring love all these years, I should have really let go of this, 'true love' 'soul mate' obsession, being so lonely, this has robbed me of all confidence. Have I finally learned the lesson. To just stay the hell away from people. Friends you try to make, turn their back on you, just because you can't devote all your time and energy to them, they have no idea what it feels like, to not, 'shouldn't even be alive' 'I am on borrowed time', to have that weight of time, and pressure from faith, and life missions, driving you MAD in the head, you just want to start conquering these missions, but you can't even get passed the hardest step..., the first step. This heart break I am going thru right now, you have no idea how bad I just want to hug this person, but probably never will get to.(this part of this blog feels so unconfident-I don't think that love is even good for me. this world is a real heart breaker, so why not just build my own fantasy/reality away from this dread and pain)
OVERWHELMING!

Dignity Stolen(Part Two): I put so much time and energy into people, for nothing, and that, can not be avoided knowing this harsh truth. It was all for nothing, most people turned their backs on me anyway. it was all for nothing, well, the opposite, I have a whole entire bunch of new wounds and battle scars now, and the truth, most people can't even stand me anyway, real nice when my motives and intentions are to become a millionaire to take care of those people that have been hating on me. That's real nice! Good people. I' M JUST, DONE - WITH PEOPLE!