SO LONELY :(

Her'es to being ALONE :(

...this is going to hurt like hell if I have to leave the program
...but after falling in love and ending up heartbroken
...I just want to succeed more harder worse than ever, I want it so bad

I guess I'm going to make my decision this week
And I already know, this is going to hurt like hell
But I need to make a move
Get a job?
Put all my chips into creativity going viral
Because I absolutely can not take stagnation any longer
Monotony
And this blasted LONELINESS has really just hit me today, full force

I was looking on YouTube for; long island female rappers/female vloggers/even looked up the loner vlogger tag, so lonely, want a female friend to do these types of things with :( But it's of course not so darned simple, is it.

So lonely I just want toooooooooooo

How does a person like me end up ALONE?

Life can be so PROMISING
and ADVENTUROUS]
why go it ALONE?

This week coming up i might attempt to enter the "INDUSTRY"?
A new scenery, because I don't really fit in right now, nobody would really understand that.
Nobody has any similar interests as me.

WHERE IN THE HEAVENS IS MY FREAK GOD!

Being a LONER right now BLOWS
Because it's the realization that a LONER has to find another LONER
FREAK!

I'm so freaken INCOMPATIBLE
and not many people understand that
meeting a real LONER is rare
cause many people claim to be a loner, but are not

I don't even have a "type"
How CRAZY is that?

Most people I meet have a "type";
oh, he has to have blond hair;
oh she has to be SHORT;
this mean i don't discriminate 
I know true LOVE is blond,
a true lover has no "type".

Sometimes it just feels good to VENT

I don't know how much more I can take?
I am desperate and on edge to make some sort of move in life
To take some sort of action to try to succeed in life?

Heart-Break Didn't Help
And The Pain Is Not Nearly Over Yet
As The Reality That This Person Really Doesn't Feel For Me
And That Makes Me The Asshole
For Falling For Someone That Doesn't Feel That Way About Me
That's Not Right For Me To Do That
But I Really Couldn't Help It
I Really Try To Dull Down My Feelings
And Walk Away
And Now I Am So Wounded
And Broken
And Left Feeling So Darn SAD

"I was thinking so desperately that maybe I should go on strike in life and not do anything but PRAY all day long till something happens. Till GOD answers my PAIN?"
(I just want to cry from the sky and rain tears down on this entire dreadful world so everyone can feel it the dread of this planet and these people)

"There it's settled. I am going to pray every single moment till I either die or things get better."
(just let me die then. and make it snappy. i can't take anymore of this. my life is going nowhere.)