BLURZ REBORN: Somethings are better off left unsaid(poem)

In The Near Future:
You will show me that you don't care,
and that will cause me to leave.
To disappear like a GHOST.
I haven't pulled this disappearing act in a long time,
and I am feeling that I need to...
"disappear like a ghost" :(
It hurts to have to disappear;
WHY?

It doesn't take a psychic to see that this is the outcome,
COMING!
Maybe your ego will not let you show that you care?
Or maybe you really just,
DON'T?
But I know one thing/
/and that's/
/that I'll never know.

All I wanted the most was just to know that you cared.
Even just a tiny bit.
I don't know why that was so hard.
But it seems the reason is that you really,
DON'T.

I KNOW WHAT'S COMING!

INFINITE SADNESS:

[but i am stronger now than ever before]
, and Summer is going fast, and Winter is coming, or maybe that's the cold chill of my heart and soul

, and I know that come the first of the month,
my mind will begone,
because I have to forget,
but I will remember why I am in here in the first place,
I shouldn't've strayed?

I would pay a million dollars for you to care about me,
if only I had.
(but money can't buy me love)

I am all smoke and mirrors,
to my SELF?

I don't understand me,
and never will.

You want everyone to love you,
but then when someone really does?
(just touch my hand again ;)

I don't mean to wear a mask,
but people are mirrors,
and reflect onto me,
if that makes any sense?????

Surprisingly,
I feel clear and clean?

Like I can BREATHE?

Maybe I am shedding my skin?

METAMORPHOSIZING:

Maybe you will be sad to see me go?

I realize I lost you I never had you

[I guess my manhood was taken away by resenting the men in my family]

But SOO much more...?

I make all human relation with me AWKWARD
It's what I do,
I don't know why :(

{{{Writing Is Therapy For Me}}}

I express it ALL
(or I try to :( )

(as I eat ghetto pizza of canned pizza paste - cheese on an English muffin, not feeling very British, but one day!)

, and I write for you, and only you know, and I thought that would be special to you, that i write for you, in secret, in mystery, a mystery love that nobody could crack, not even us, because I really don't know whether you read this or not, or maybe you are unsure, if you do read this that this is even about you, and I thought that msytery was really beautiful, but when it felt like you didn't care, and you treated me like I was Frankenstein all of a sudden, like I was some creep, that really hurt. And who knows, maybe I am a creep, maybe this is creepy, but still harmless :( I guess I took it too far - but I lost you so it doesn't matter

Somehow I thought you would understand

It don't matter anymore

There's nothing I can say

I just have to get thru this on my own

and make it to the other side of a broken heart

but broken heart pieces are sharp

and shattered

and bloody

so be careful crossing the other side of a broken heart

"I will"

("as I walk bare foot stripped bare")

I can not tip-toe?

I can not leap?

I guess I need to be still,
as the heart heals,
it formulates whole again,
MAYBE?

, and I'm sorry for falling in love with you, I promise I'll leave

I guess it's over}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
I guess,
and I will drown my sorrows in creativity,
like an alcoholic drowns their woes in booze,
I will drown there,
and stay there,
for all eternity,
and I will chase these dreams,
and never stop,
for anyone,
ever again,
I guess

I will drown my self in the realms of mad obsession,
to become a KING,
because then
???????????

My heart has gone soo NUMB
all I wanted was you in my LIFE
and you were
and I was so happy with that
a sprinkle of you
here and there
I was soo content
I thought you could hack it
I thought you were so psychologically TOUGH
and loved a good CHALLENGE
and a good MYSTERY
or PUZZLE
to SOLVE