Here's to new beginnings...

Trying to express this 100% clear.
I feel that this last attempt at LOVE has been the straw that has broken the camels back?
I realize, I have been trying to connect with female, girl, woman, since a kid, and never was able to, it just was always pain and agony, trying to make a connection in that way. And this last heart break recently? Maybe things happen for a reason, because this has made just want to stay as far away from people as humanly possible, cause all I see with any type of human relation, is PAIN

And now I just want to succeed.
I don't want any LOVE now.
I am repulsed by the thought of LOVE.
The desire for LOVE has completely diminished.
I don't want to even be touched, ever.
Ever.

So now, the next 6 months I am solely focused on going viral before the new year(get me the hell out of here). Focusing 100% on being plugged in to GOD. Because every moment I am away from GOD is excruciating. And focus solely on CREATIVITY(and making these rap diaries to push my websites over the maps, over the charts?)

And what I'm saying, is that after this 'FINAL HEARTBREAK' I don't even feel it's an option to connect on any human level. It has been nothing but PAIN since a child. I'm warn-out, I can't take any more attempts. Family. Friends. LOVE. Family has been all neglectful and uncaring abandoners?(besides my MOM she is an ANGEL :3 )Friends: I don't even know what to say about that, I'm the one that's BROKEN.

But it's also very psychic this PAIN
I feel peoples energies,
And I see dead ends,
So why even attempt any relationship with anyone,
When you can psychicly see it is going to go nowhere. 
Or maybe I'm just really that wounded and shattered.
But you wouldn't heal a burn and then go back again to touch a flame, would you?

And yet, I feel inspired today, to go after every dream possible.
In this road-map, blueprint, dream universe chart layed out in front of my.
If I am ALIVE - And I shouldn't be - So I feel on borrowed time - Why not go after it all - Bold and Fearlessly? 

When people have caused you so much pain since a child.
When people have been your main source of pain.
Like the being burnt by a flame analogy.
Hundreds of times you have been burned from human interaction.
When do you finally let go and never do this again.
Finally give up on the insanity, that maybe this time will be different.
Because the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result, but the result stays the same(or gets worse).

You know how much it hurts to post my life on line the way that I do?
And now I have to deal with the pain of facing people I've become friends with, people that I know.
I don't think this is going to end well.
I feel there is going to be a fall out.
Probably me disappearing like a ghost?

So I just want to forget about all this stuff;
And all the haters;
And the jealous people(because I'm free and spiritual and filled with faith);
And all the manipulators;
And liars;
And game playing players;
Or abusers;
And doubters.
Etc. 
(I don't need peoples doubts or problems put on me=doubters are the worst)

So no more LOVE.
You can keep it.
I don't even want it.
I'M FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You see...
...You're better off ALONE
(the risks and dangers of LOVE)
(For the first time, since high-school, everything feels fresh and new. Nobody owns me. And life is opening up to limitless possibilities)