SEDATE?

I have to sedate my self right now.
Because I have to call and cancel my medicaid cabs,
that I am leaving my program.
The woman that I fell in love with doesn't care about me at all(OUCH),
and,
this was a person I once believed, believed in me?
And found me interesting?
But that all fell apart, so quick.
I feel so embarrassed and humiliated.
My emotions have broken,
I now am unable to feel anything,
for anyone,
no connection,
to anybody,
I feel so unwelcome now,
I can not face anybody,
I have to leave,
and I must be STRONG :(

"SEDATE?(Poem)"

"I can't even write anymore. I can't even express.
That has been taken from me. Robbed of me. 
Dignity and Confidence: STOLEN 
Why would you give your heart to somebody?
We need our hearts.
A poisonous cauliflower, poisoned me.
I've lost all emotions, in the potions of emotions oceans.
Flickering waves drowning my sorrows, for days,
not knowing where I am?
How did I let people drift me so far?
I can't find my self.
And as people are kryptonite,
I still have trouble walking away?
Seroquel down the hatch,
I don't want to FEEL.
I'm numb as a zombie that eats its own brains.
I'm dead inside!
I dread this ride,
I want to get off,
STUCK.
Sedated and Fucked.
Unlucky in love,
and I keep pressing my luck,
a four-leaf clover couldn't save me,
and the pot of gold is a facade,
where rainbows turn bleak and black,
as night cripples me,
I want to crawl in the dirt with the worms,
where love doesn't exist."

As bi-polar as I am, I decided at the end of this blog that I will try to go to therapy, see where I stand?

I feel like I wish I was dead, but just cause I feel that, doesn't mean I mean it.

But, I never, ever, want to feel love, ever, again.