BLURZ REBORN: SO DEPRESSED

I just feel like posting some really, deep, dark, stuff right now, because I am in a, deep, dark, mood right now, just going through so much uncertainty, and so many things feel so TAINTED?(right now)and I'm sad as HELL

And I shouldn't even be posting stuff like this when I am coming to terms with my commitment to complete celibacy, but hey, I got to at least express that there are things going on inside of me that give me so much tension I want to SCREAM BLOODY MURDER

so what i'm REPRESSED
and DEPRIVED
let it drive me INSANE
=GOOD

all I want to do is make it through this week VICTORIOUS
make it to THERAPY
I have four days to make it through
I feel I will be fine
and I will not take any seroquel
and I will lower my caffeine content

i'm so darned depressed

i don't know exactly what happened
i was so in love for 6 months
then all of a sudden
i don't know what happened
if i let go
if i just realized that this person never really felt anything for me
and i know that made me depressed
if it was all in my head
or maybe she realized i felt something
and it freaked her out
or maybe she did feel something
and then that went cold and i noticed that it did
and now i'm just left more broken then before
left so sad
after i swore we were becoming closer to each other
now i feel HORROR

i don't want to feel these types of pains anymore
maybe things will get better
but it is not looking good
i just want to become STRONG
rich and famous
run away from this WORLD
escape into my FANTASY realm

and who knows
maybe one day soul mate love really will appear

now i'm just so torn
i just want to hide away in a ball on my bed in the dark
maybe tomorrow will be better with no much more sorrow

why do i all of a sudden feel pathetic

because i put so much energy into caring about this person
into this person being special
and somehow it all fell apart
and it feels like this person
that seemed to treat me like i was maybe special
doesn't seem to think i'm special anymore
and that hurts

i don't think i wanna feel stupid like this ever again

maybe i'm ready to die
maybe i'm ready to live
maybe i can use these feelings as fuel
maybe i known that i don't have to write with perfect capitalization
or PUNKtuation
maybe i can say FU
and not have any periods
or question marks
or anything
cause i just don't CARE

FOOEY
Now I Even Have To Become Smarter?????
I guess that makes sense?
I'm suppose to be consistently reaching higher levels over the next 19 years 8 months and 3 weeks
(the count down continues and intensifies)

who gives a HOOT

I Think I'm ready To Go Completely Insane Now
I've Had Enough

I've LOST
So MUCH
So many PEOPLE

I didn't want to lose this person
but I realize that I did :(

I hope I learned not to do this ever again
It's a certain type of pain that is so unbearable
But I understand tho

I don't want to die yet
I want to LIVE
and that's what hurts the most
that I want to LIVE so badly
but it seems I am not allowed

I don't want to see anyone right now
I need a break
from the reality of having feelings for someone that doesn't have feelings for you
it's EXHAUSTING